Ugliness is merely commonplace; deformity is sublime...

Anyone ever use Bachs Rescue Remedy? 

 Do you ever use your illness as an excuse to not do something that you don't want to do?

Is muscle twitching a side effect of Invega?  Is it a side effect of Risperdal?

I'm not sure how long this has been around, but it's pretty old. There have been talks in the works for years of either tearing it down and building something else in its place or fixing it up. But they haven't done anything about it yet...

( Nueces Hotel, Corpus Christi, Texas )

i am bored shitless.

i am all played up on my scrabble games. have watched more television than is good for anyone ever. have checked helljay a million times in the past half hour to see if anyone posted.

however. at least i feel a bit better.

one of my correspondents posted this

and i loved it so much i have to recycle share it with you all.

fae yesterday.



still feeling pooped and all migrainement. had to cancel 'date' this avvo, but no great loss. for him as well as for me methinks. glum girl and grim weather, not exactly a winning combination.

i got the image from wtf_nature which is a nice group to watch. even if you don't have any freaky animals of your own to share.

 I just wanted to post a quick thank you to everyone who responded to my post asking about people's experiences with Lithium. I know sometimes with bipolar it's hard to share things about yourself, especially with strangers, so I was very grateful that you were all willing to do so. I went to see my psychiatrist yesterday and as I was kind of expecting, I've now been put on Lithium and also Seroquel (sp?) but it seems in very low doses of both. So thank you again for sharing with me, it has given me a much better idea of what to expect!

They asked some weird questions and did some weird tests. It looks like I'm going to be getting it as soon as I'm off of my klonopin and depakote, so maybe the week after next. I'm not too afraid because it seems to me the greatest threat is death from the anesthesia and I've been under that before so I doubt I'll die plus death is welcomed at this point. I guess thats why I'm going to such drastic measures. BTW I got my SSI, at least thats what they say, so things are definitely looking up for me. Just wanted to let everyone know I guess.

Does anybody else have a problem with the Abilify ad running in the US (or in the Midwest at least)?

For some reason, making this med sound like the only one that will work for bipolar and that suddenly you'll be free of the disease REALLY bugs me. With a disease that can be so serious and has a high likelihood that patients will stop their meds this seems irresponsible. Moreover, they're pushing a med that has tons of side effects when there are others that have less that should be tried first. The patient's doctor should be the one to choose which meds a patient is on, not an ad the patient saw for thirty seconds. And hell, it makes bipolar sound like fucking PMS. If a person went by the symptoms listed in that ad alone EVERYONE would be bipolar.

Am I just being completely oversensitive?

x posted in a lot of places : )

Ok, so I'm halfway thru the weaning process. I'm actually not feeling too bad at all! I've even cut out the extra Seroquel , so I'm only taking 25 mg at night instead of 50. The only thing I'm worried about is what's going to happen after my last day on the Effexor....will I fall apart???Yikes!

Am I going to be okay?

Oy....this sucks...

( some more )

My pdoc has found the magic combination for me:
200 mg Lamictal
50 mg Zoloft
1.5 mg Klonopin

I've been on this combo since January and have been "stable" since.  This is the longest I've been this way since my diagnosis in 2005.  

Maybe it's the pessimist in me, but how long is this going to last?  I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

Do any of you gentle readers find yourself wishing you had never been diagnosed?

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so consumed by this 'disorder.' I always wonder whether being diagnosed was actually in my favor. Without meds, would I be alive? Without meds and therapy would I be alright? I am never sure, and often my thought process is provoked by my moods.

I have been through so much since being diagnosed 15 years ago. I was so young and put on an adult dose of Prozac. I quickly spiraled out. ( I was initially diagnosed as depressed ). It was after the Prozac incident that I was diagnosed with bipolar. Then the onslaught of drug cocktails; I've been on over thirty different meds over the years, only just recently have I found a stabilizing combination: 300 mg Effexor; 40 mg Abilify.

But I am constantly thinking about being bipolar. It influences me so much and I get tired of being consumed by it. What if, what if, what if? Had I never been diagnosed, would I be successful? Would I do better, or not?

Does anyone here know what the technical term for sleeping all day and being awake all night is? I want to look up possible self care for this before calling my pdoc, but I don't know what it's called.

Thanks,
Nikki

I was wondering what people's experiences with Lithium was like? And if they felt upto sharing them.

I'm Bipolar but have been off medication for almost three years, previously having taken Effexor and Epilum. A few days ago my doctor put me back on Epilum but did mention Lithium as well as a possibility. There just seems to be so much stigma attached to it. Many people here have mentioned being on it, so I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask what people felt about it - both the positives and negatives if you feel comfortable discussing them.

Hello all,

I'm planning a trip out to London to visit a friend who's studying abroad in late June. I'll be there from the 16th to the 22nd or so, perhaps a bit later. I have 2 questions now as we start to plan...I'm leaving most of the planning up to him, but some thoughts from you all would be helpful on these issues.

1. We're both really big theater fans, but we're also both from NYC. I'm looking for great shows to see, but not shows such as Avenue Q, etc. which originated on Broadway. I'm sure he's seen a bunch and will have opinions, but I want to know some great shows that we can go see. We like all sorts of shows, musicals, plays, etc.

2. Has anyone got any information on the travel lodge in covent garden vs. the London Euston premier inn? Or I suppose Premier Inn vs Travel Lodge in general. Those are the 2 cheapest hotels somewhat close to my friend's place in Covent Garden, and I really only need a room for 2 nights or so-the rest of the time I'm staying with him. The websites both look OK, and the prices are very similar, so any warnings or recommendations?

Thanks so much!

There wasn't much to do in school yesterday, so me, a couple of classmates, and my teacher went to check out an abandoned building here in Vingåker.


There be nine shots of the interior, right here: http://sofiaalexandra.deviantart.com/gallery/#Urban-exploring-and-decay

I have been on hiatus again lately. Finals and starting up the new semester within a week has been a real "freak out" moment for me. lol.

I am doing okay. Just "okay". I can't say I am great because I've pretty much stopped sleeping altogether. I have these weird emotional outbursts where I will start crying out of nowhere, or feel like I need to cry out of nowhere. I feel like I have experienced so much mania recently that I am no longer able to achieve that "high" from it. My mind is not tired, by eyes don't get heavy, but my body feels like it weighs more than it ever has (which is also true, but totally not the point). 

I feel like I keep forgetting to take care of myself lately. I don't think to do the normal things that people generally do without thinking. It's gross, but it's hard for me to remember to shower, wash my clothes, or even brush my teeth. I end up making lists to remind me to do the daily things that you need in order to keep healthy. Lately I have to add a new thing to that list. I keep forgetting to eat. I get hungry, but only very rarely. The strange thing about all of this is, I'm not depressed at all. I have no feelings of sadness at all. If anything, I feel constant excitement and anxiety. 

I have been trying to keep this mood journal for the last month so that when I do get treatment (hopefully within the next month), I will be able to show them exactly what I am like. I am sick of all of this. Of course, cutting out sleeping is nice because between work and school, I don't get the amount of "me time" that I have grown used to. However, this has led to me being sick about 15 days of every month. When I sleep, I have a friggin awesome immune system. So being sick like this all the time is so unlike me. 

The only thing that I am afraid of when I get treatment, is that I will start sleeping more than I want. I generally need 6 hours of sleep, then I'm golden. My last psychiatrist pretty much demanded that I rearrange my whole life around my sleep. I couldn't take naps, I had to be up from 8am to 12am (since midnight was my usual bedtime). I had to eat 3 full meals a day. That is not me. I like to be up really late at night. I like to sleep in. I usually eat one big meal in the evening and graze during the day. That didn't work, so I just ended up lying to the doctor all the time. I am afraid of the demands that the new psychiatrist will give me. I am not good at altering my life.

I fear the lithium and buspar have sapped my creativity from me. I feel so bland, so bleached white I am not comfortable with myself. I do go through these periods but they seem to be harder to fight through. My interests have faded to bitter pastimes, I want a change in environment, something new to excite the emotion paralyzed by the medicated numbness.

I still feel for others but not so much for myself. I will have to work my way through this thicket, the murkiness I find myself in.

I will survive, I know, I always do. Everything will be fine, it is the loneliness that is unbearable.